I was sifting through Hallmark's Father's Day Card selection at Safeway today.  Generally, the cards took one of two tones: sentimental or humorous.  My father is generally someone who would prefer the humor.  However, many of the humor choices were not particularly funny, and few were actually intelligent in their humor.  This got me thinking: what if I could write a line of humorous "literary" Hallmark Father's Day cards?  I'll post a few bad ideas of mine below, and if you have any others then post them in reply!

(Poor) Examples:

Front: You've given me life, so I feel it's my duty to save yours. As your Father's Day gift...Inside: I promise I won't let your brother anywhere near your ears with a vial of poison.  (Hamlet)

Front: You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Inside: And to be honest, I can't imagine what it must have been like to raise me, so I may never be able to understand you.  That doesn't mean I can't appreciate you though! Happy Father's Day! (To Kill A Mockingbird)